What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
