In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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