just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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