is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
