Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
