member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
