I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
