Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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