Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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