evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know her cup size but not her name....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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