Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
love makes seman taste better
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
