why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
