Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
