How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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