Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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