My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
