I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
