Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
