I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
