4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
