I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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