the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
