Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
