dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
