I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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