I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
