I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
