you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
