just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
