Do you still have your period?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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