I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
