He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
