I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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