all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
