Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
