hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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