what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
