I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
