can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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