Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
