***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
