My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
