Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
