I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
