somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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