Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
