i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
