How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
