You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
