I want you more than these girls want KFC
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
